Once in life time, you might get taken away…
Araw na apat – Conundrum in Cavite
I think travelling to Cavite, was all about finding a muse, a friend, having good times with Claz’s cousin, experiencing live music and comedy…
When I first meet Kristine, I found her on Tinder, her bio said ‘ Im not a one in a million kind of girl. I’m a once a lifetime kind of girl.’
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We book the Uber from Manila to Cavite…
On the way to Cavite, we are sitting in the uber, I ask Claz if he is just going to be spending time with his cousins family, he affirms “yeh, pretty much.”
I say “okay, cause I’m going to meet up with this girl.”
He says “What?!?”
I say “Yeah, I matched with this girl on tinder, and she’s wanting to meet up”
He’s like “Yo, are you sure?”
I was feeling bit funny now, I came here with two rules, no meat and no devouring, yet before the trip he told me to get Tinder… although I must be conflicted, getting the app yet pleading the oath of celibacy, been through it for five months, I guess I’m just wnting to meet people, and maybe it’s that thing he said to me before we left, the thing I can’t forget
“I got a feeling, hahaha… I got feeling, I don’t know why but I got a feeling that you’re going to meet the love of your life…”
So after a windy road and not knowing where we were going, we found ourselves at coffee project, I said I had wanted coffee earlier, and we sat down and I noticed this post it/pin up board, filled with so many fantastic reviews, it seemed like a lot of love and a lot of appreciation in such a creative way, it brought back to how they make all the little things count here…
She went to the bathroom and I prepared myself to speak such words to that which claims to be a once in a lifetime kind of girl.
I pull out my little zine, she comes back, and I ask if I can read her something, something that may be just for her… if she is truly once in a lifetime. She says “okay.”
“It feels like we’ve been doing for millions of years”
“I was a star lightyears away and you were a planet caught in my pull, you’d orbit around me until I could no longer hold the flames from within”
“I exploded, knowing that if I pulled you close enough you’d burn up before we’d touch and our love seemed lost for so long…”
“Until I woke up…
I was a hunter in the woods,
I heard the leaves crack from behind I asked “who’s there?”
You responded “who’s there?”
knowing I was leading you astray
I told you to leave
You left heartbroken and died alone in a deep valley
where I could still hear your echo
your tears turned formed a lake that I would come and look at everyday with regret
I would sip from the guilt of your tomb
until the day I could not break eye contact with my own reflection
and I decided it would be better to drown in your tears
I came back as a bee, you were a dragonfly.
You would live free and careless where I would struggle to fit you in between pollen and hive
I would follow you between flower beds, I would admire your wings more than the petals of sweetness where I’d create that sweet honey.
But you wouldn’t notice me, I stung you to get your attention,
the act of it killed both of us, you died in my arms for the first time
We came back as indians you were apart of the enemy tribe,
I didn’t let that stop me from loving you, loving you was a sin I kept secret,
I’d watch as you’d stare into the clouds and wonder
as if you had a past life galaxies away
I sent you love letters through smoke signals
not knowing if you’d every be able to decipher between the shapes of dust that I’d press into the sky
The chief of my tribe despised you, he sent me to assassinate you, I refused
they exiled me, I sneaked into your teepee, I looked you in the eye and you didn’t remember me,
you screamed and they caught me and judged me for the attempt to execute you,
They executed me, you then recognised that my face was like an upside down dreamcatcher
it was too late to stop them and you had nightmares for the rest of that life
I came back as a spider,
I tried to repair your dreams by making webs for you every night, holding back the bad memories ,
I was trying to tell you it was alright, I made murals for you everyday, you’d brush through them and not notice me, thinking about me, not realising I was right there with you,
I can still feel the strings that I’d use to connect us, I held the threads of generations between our fates and tied them together between the process of reincarnation, I pulled our destinies so they would intertwine, but they would constantly untangle.
I woke up,
and I was the sea,
you were the breeze you flowed with me
and we lived between each others influence responding to every wave, push and pull,
not knowing when we started this dance
but knowing that you can recognise me this time
not knowing how long we can now be together
but it does feel endless.”
It felt like she didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the poem, and I didn’t want to get to in depth with it if she couldn’t comprehend it as well she didn’t seem interested in it…
I slowly discovered that she is an independent woman, who started her own business, and she isn’t sure what she wants to do with her life, and that she’s quiet image orientated and not as deep as her profile lead me to believe, and I can only swim in the shallow section for so long.
So I guess the answer is, that she wasn’t the once in a lifetime girl I had hoped for, I knew I had to keep looking, but we could just be friends, and I was kind of in need of tour guide.
Matcho Cassidy 
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